Turning bullshit into a brand

Anisah Shukry

February 16, 2013
Author Kee Thuan Chye, in his latest book, says BN must be taught a lesson in the general election to stop it from shovelling more crap to the rakyat.

Kee Thuan Chye has had enough of Barisan Nasional, and he wants people to know it. The veteran journalist-turned-political commentator has come up with another book, “Ask For No Bullshit, Get Some More”, documenting the government’s shenanigans.

It is as exhaustive, humorous and scathing as his previous volume, “No More Bullshit, Please, We’re All Malaysians”. And now, far from losing steam over Barisan Nasional’s apparently unceasing ineptitude throughout its decades in power, Kee, 58, quipped that he was currently mulling turning bullshit into his very own brand.

“I get angry with bullshit, with the government’s corruption, leakages, wastage, so I write it out. This is what keeps me going – the need to speak up as a concerned citizen who cares for his country and would like to see a better Malaysia,” Kee said in a recent interview with FMT.

“So while I can’t say yet that I’ll churn out another book on bullshit, there’s still a chance for me to keep going, to turn bullshit into my own brand,” he grinned, his eyes twinkling behind his spectacles.

“Ask For No Bullshit, Get Some More” is a compilation of Kee’s recent opinion pieces published in independent news portals such as FMT, Malaysian Digest and Malaysiakini. Articles are organised under seven different categories ranging from “What’s the government doing?” to “Race and Rant”.

But Kee bestows the highest honour on the self-proclaimed First Lady of Malaysia, Rosmah Mansor. She is the only individual to be awarded a category all to herself under the hilariously titled “Flom flop”.

Those familiar with Kee’s work will rejoice that he hasn’t lost his withering sarcasm, frankness nor his trademark cynical humour, while those who have thus far relied only on the mainstream media for information will have an eye-opening and belly-tickling experience.

“Lament of a Stressed Out Minister”, in particular, would have readers in stitches over Kee’s depictions of the thoughts that would keep a typical BN minister tossing and turning in his luxurious, one-thousand-thread-count bed covers at night.

“We are all not bad laa,” writes Kee in his uncanny impression of a BN minister. “They still think Tiong Lai is a liar after his bad experience handling the hoo-ha at Tung Shin Hospital during Bersih 2.0, but we’re not always liars. Wait!…that didn’t come out right. We don’t lie. We don’t lie. PM Najib said it best when he said, ‘The government doesn’t know how to cheat the people’.”

Kee was, of course, referring to the boo-boo Liow Tiong Lai, who is Health Minister, made after he said that the police had not fired any tear gas at the hospital during the Bersih 2.0 protest in 2011.

Pakatan spared for now

Liow’s statement courted mass ridicule since photographic and video evidence, as well as the testimony of protesters and several other eye-witnesses, plainly stated otherwise.

And Liow’s humiliation conga is certainly not the only BN blunder to receive a much-deserved tongue-lashing in this book. Kee also reminds readers of numerous other BN bloopers, such as the Independence-turned-Barisan Nasional Day, disgraced ex-minister Shahrizat Abdul Jalil’s bovine legacy, and the comedy that was the Umno general assembly.

All are no doubt incidents that the Najib administration would rather we forget as we approach the 13th general election. But while Kee relentlessly pounds BN throughout the 276-page paperback, fence-sitters or those with pro-BN leanings will be left wondering: What about Pakatan’s bullshit?

Are they truly the angels we don’t know? Or is Kee just another opposition fanboy – the type of dredge who spam news portals with off-topic, anti-BN comments and believe Pakatan is god’s gift to mankind?

Not so. Far from being biased towards the opposition, Kee revealed that his loyalties lay with the rakyat rather than with any party – during his book launch, the outspoken journalist couldn’t resist taking a shot at the opposition’s alternative budget when an audience member asked him about it.

“We have to understand, as the opposition they can promise a lot of things, and many of it can be unrealistic. Doing away with higher education loans and giving free education might be difficult to sustain… doing away with tolls, whatever it is, will rebound on us one way or another,” Kee had pointed out.

But Kee explained to FMT later that despite Pakatan’s failings, he believed now was not the time to knock it down.

“Let them [Pakatan] form the government first. My point is to get BN out, because BN won’t reform without being in the opposition,” he stressed.

Lending credence to his statement was, of course, the fact that he was able to write this book in the first place.

“There is no hope for BN to get better without losing,” Kee said emphatically. “They have too many warlords in Umno, do you think they would ever want to change when, even as division heads, they are getting so much money?”

Government must be made accountable

He pointed out how “crazy” it was that Najib had to resort to pleading with Umno members during the general assembly to not sabotage others should they be passed over for candidacy.

“Umno members go out to sabotage party members who supplant them. This is crazy, and it just shows how greedy they are, and where their priorities lie.”

But Kee is not exactly banking on Pakatan to be Malaysia’s saviour, either. He said the best outcome of the general election, which must be held by June this year, would be for Pakatan to win by a simple majority.

“I think it’s always risky to give any coalition two-thirds majority. It can make them arrogant, and they can amend the constitution however they want,” said Kee, shuddering visibly at the thought.

And should Pakatan take over the government and stink up Putrajaya with its own male cow manure, he wouldn’t hesitate to train his hose on them, either.

“If Pakatan takes over the government and comes out with bullshit, then of course I would criticise it as well. The only reason I come down hard on BN in this book is because it is the ruling party.

“Any government, whether it is Pakatan or BN, must be accountable to the rakyat. We always have to keep them on their toes, as we are the people who hired them,” he pointed out in his characteristic bluntness.

But the anti-bullshit crusader said that, for now, change was only something he could hope for.

“The great thing I see now is that people are no longer afraid. Civil society has never been this brave before. They know they can make a change, and they are supporting one another,” said Kee, his eyes lighting up.

“And this is what keeps me going, to create awareness among people, to show we don’t have to be afraid, and that it is our right to speak up. So if I speak up, other people will realise they can speak up, too.”

And speak up, they most certainly have. But whether the rumbles of dissatisfaction and, more recently, the thrice-repeated “No” to BN will culminate in a change of government is anyone’s guess. Regardless, Kee’s work, for one, shows BN has every reason to be afraid.